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See you in court

April 26, 2012

Lawyer: So you’re saying that no one was home. That there wasn’t a refrigerator around. And yet, that the porridge in one bowl was hot, in another one was cold, and in yet another one was ‘just right’?

Goldilocks: That’s correct.

Lawyer: Your Honour, my client’s answer strongly suggests that Mama Bear prepared each bowl of porridge – exactly the same recipe, mind you – at vastly different times. An implication that not only suggests irrational cooking behaviour, but also clearly goes against Mama B’s sworn testimony – I quote her, ‘I have better things to do than make porridge for my family the whole damn day.’ Furthermore, Mama’s statement is corroborated by the forensic evidence collected at the scene of the incident; in order words, the three samples of porridge were at roughly the same temperature. The forensic evidence also confirms that porridge from all three bowls was sampled, and we also have the eyewitness account of Mr. Lombard, a dormouse living at the bears’ residence, who has testified to the same.
So, honourable members of the jury, is Goldilocks lying? Highly unlikely, wouldn’t you say as it would hardly serve to exonerate her. What is the truth, then? I’m afraid it is a rather disturbing one… The fact that Goldilocks sampled not one, not two, but three bowls of porridge, before finally devouring the last one, suggests she truly believed they were at different temperatures. Furthermore, she exclaimed each time she tasted a bowl of porridge, even though she thought she was all alone — and you’ve already heard Mr. Lombard’s testimony in which he confirms that words, whole sentences in fact were utterly loudly and repeatedly from Goldilocks’ mouth. Now, does any of this sound like the behaviour of a sane individual to you? Clearly, not. Thus, there can hardly be any doubt that Goldilocks is insane, and so, cannot be held responsible for her actions. And therefore, I humbly request you to make the right decision, and make it soon – even if it means being mauled beyond recognition by three very angry bears. That’s all, Your Honour.

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