Skip to content

A nice cocktail..

January 10, 2012

The recipe? Well it’s quite simple really. Take a generous helping of carbon monoxide (and dioxide of course), some nitrogen dioxide, a few pinches of fine particulate matter, and a handful of freshly ground hydrocarbons. If you have some VOC (volatile organic compounds), nothing like it; if not, don’t fret because the cocktail will be potent enough as it is.

Now blend it all together (in some kind of a gas blending machine – shouldn’t be too difficult to find on Google).

Don’t forget to throw in a dash of oxygen at the end – just to give it that extra zing and flavour.

That’s about it. Now I’ll let you in on a very big secret. Are you ready?

The thing is, this cocktail – complete with each aforementioned element – is freely available to all residents of Mumbai, on a daily basis. Through the very air itself, would you believe it! The cocktail’s especially rich where there’s a lot of vehicular traffic – which is pretty much everywhere. But let’s just keep all this between ourselves, shall we – why share the spoils with the teeming masses. *Winks

But waaaait a minute…come to think of it, isn’t the stuff effectively forced down everyone’s windpipe, without them having much choice in the matter? Hmm…so I guess one has to share the spoils with the teeming masses. *Sulks

Anyway, it’s testing time now!

Who would like to try?….. I see a lot of hands raised in the audience. Umm, let’s see…yes you, the gentlemen in the green shirt – come on up!

I’d like you to take in a deep lungful of this glorious intoxicant. Nice and slow. Now hold it. Just a little longer now. There – perfect.

Allow the plume of gas to diffuse within your lungs, every cubic centimetre of which it will soon permeate.

You must now be starting to feel a little lightheaded and an ever-so-dull ache in your head…savour it at your own pace. And guess what: your chances of getting allergies, respiratory and cardiovascular diseases, lung cancer, even infertility (incidentally also problems during pregnancy for women), just went through the roof. Oh, I left out premature death!

So as far as the world’s population woes go, the decreased longevity (due to these factors) means there’s some light at the end of the tunnel. At last! Which among many other things, also means: things are looking up in the pensions sector!

In other news, my New Year’s resolutions are to give up smoking and buy a sports car.

Leave a Comment

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: