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Speech by the Chairman of the Board of Toilet Papers, during the annual meeting..

December 31, 2011

Friends:

It’s a matter of immense pride for me that some of you have been on/in a roll this entire year. To the others, I say: look folks, shit happens! {Remark followed by rapturous applause from the audience.}

This year, global constipation (believed to be caused by the economic slowdown) has adversely affected our business, and we’ve had to drastically cut our numbers.

For those of you who still have a job, this means that it may be a tad unrealistic to expect an increment this year; but be ready for much more excrement.
However, I believe that this too shall pass, and we will come out from this shitty situation, only stronger. As the great Horace once said: “This is the age of sewage, mofo!” While the man’s belief might have been a bit of an exaggeration, there is certainly a grain of truth in it.

For us, the secret to success lies in treating every commode as an outlet for displaying our talents. We simply cannot afford to lack focus or asspiration.

So c’mon noble warriors, go for glory I proclaim. And here’s wishing that in 2012, humans make haste as that makes waste, which is good for our business. Cheers, and Godspeed!

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