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About Arena Pvt. Ltd.

August 8, 2011

Who are we? Well, the finest gladiators you can find in Ancient Rome, for starters. For over three decades, we have enthralled the masses with high-quality violence. Safe, then, to assume that we know this profession and the human body, inside out.

To state that our accolades shelf has run out of space would be a gross understatement. We have been awarded the prestigious 5-Harpoon industry standard a staggering 17 times. And on top of that, have been named Agency of the Year 9 times in Slayboy Magazine’s annual ratings.

Our clientele includes a slew of high profile people, including Julius Caesar, members of the Senate, high-ranking military officers and celebrities. We have been employed to perform at weddings, orgies, birthday parties and post-funeral celebrations (usually held for the odd mother-in-law or boss that happens to pass away), but that’s naming just a few of our projects.

Not just heartless killers, our gladiators are also trained classical violinists. So, during those rare occasions when violence doesn’t excite, we employ violins to solve the problem. And on still rarer occasions, both—give the opponent (also arranged by us) a moving recital first, and while they are spellbound, lunge towards them and gouge out their innards, all performed in one elegant manoeuvre. It’s a staged event that has always won us tons of applause and rave reviews, from customers and critics alike. In addition, we provide discreet assassination services to our esteemed customers–what better way to deal with pesky relatives, in-laws, backstabbing colleagues, telemarketers and other verminous beings who simply refuse to die when it is most required.

Send us a pigeon, slave, or simply walk into our store in person to learn more about us; our in-store personnel will be only too happy to be of service.

Arena Pvt. Ltd. —We maim to please. And murder with such ease.

Arena Pvt. Ltd.

15, Man’s-laughter Avenue,

Ancient Rome.

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One Comment
  1. This made me laugh, thanks!

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