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Why did the employee fondle himself in front of his boss?

September 1, 2010

Because he thought that this would get him a raise..


The act by the employee triggered a “repartee” filled conversation between the two. Here it is:

(Employee is fondling himself)

Boss: “You’re turning me on boy! Allow me to take off my pink slip and give it to you.”

Employee: “Wait a second Boss; I think it slipped your mind that you can’t give me the slip–pink or otherwise–for this. If you read my contract you would realize that you’re going up a rather slippery slope, and that too while your slip is sloping off. Boss, that was a slip-up!”

Boss: “Listen to me wisedick, do not lecture me on what I can and cannot do. I don’t care about your contract with us. I’ll fire your ass faster than you can pull your pants up. To me you’re nothing but a worthless piece of turd, and a buoyant piece of turd at that–the kind that doesn’t get flushed down the toilet and consequently gets shat upon by other shits, from myriad asses. I’m sure that experience would make you “slip” into a coma or something like that. Ha!

Employee: “Hmm. Boss, I would like to make two points here. First, when you say “fire your ass”, do you mean this in a literal sense? I’m guessing this is highly unlikely, but still the possibility cannot, or rather should not be ignored. If you meant it in this way, is it possible that there is a homoerotic undercurrent doing the rounds here? In which case, let me state for the record that I do not enjoy sodomy.

And if you meant it in another, more likely sense, should I take it that you want to render only my ass unemployed, or my whole being so? I’ll take an educated guess: I think you meant the latter. In which case, I have to say that I find “ass” a most fascinating and evocative, even though somewhat overused metonym; however, I imagine that “fire your intestines” or “fire your trachea” doesn’t have quite the same appeal.¬†Secondly, I do not see how my predicament as a floating turd is any worse or better than a piece of turd that gets flushed down. After all, doesn’t the latter piece of excrement find its resting place in a sewer, a place which is a melting pot of shit? I suppose that ultimately, shit happens and that shit is destined to not be alone.”


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