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The Maharajah and the Estate Agent – By J. Watson and V. Kohli

June 19, 2009

A tale — of love, revenge, Voodoo, mysticism, and sufficiently kinky sex — set against the backdrop of the Indian IT industry.

Here’s something really fun that a friend and I have been writing. It has developed considerably, and is still a work in progress.. more sections will be added later. A glorious piece of literature for your pleasure!

The Basic Plot.
The Maharaja’s daughter was back in India after completing her studies at an IVY–league college in America. Subsequently, she set up a software company in Bangalore. A rival company soon realised the threat posed by their new competitor. That company recruited an evil snake charmer and a libidinous sage; they worked together to hatch an insidious plot to mentally enslave the Maharaja’s daughter using voodoo, hypnosis, and a software specially developed by the rival company.
The two crooks had bigger plans though; they had set their sights on the Maharaja’s fortune…

The plan hatched by the evil duo could only work if a special voodoo doll and a vial of cobra venom was placed in Princess Noor’s house (Noor was the Maharaja’s daughter’s name). One day, when Noor was in office, the evil snake charmer sneaked into her house and hid a voodoo doll and the vial of venom deep inside a kitchen cupboard. He kept them behind the tuna-fish cans because according to the ancient Indian book of Occult, the potency of evil spells increased when in the presence of fish.
The spells began to take effect. Slowly but surely. Evil forces infiltrated every nook and cranny of the house. Gradually Princess Noor’s behavioural patterns began to change: she was less vivacious, head-strong and decisive with every passing day. The people at office could sense this change yet failed to understand why Noor had become like this.
The most concerned person was Noor’s man-friend, Zaheer. He was a Moroccan, and a gym-instructor by profession. Tall, dark, handsome, muscular, and dashing; such adjectives however, hardly did full justice to the hunky Adonis that he was. Even staunchly heterosexual men sometimes had doubts about their sexual orientation, just by looking at Zaheer once.
Zaheer knew that something was wrong with Noor: she has never before been so pallid and submissive and utterly unresponsive to his dexterous love-making. He repeatedly asked her if something was wrong or if there was another man (or woman) in her life. He was pretty sure though that the latter would not be the case though: after all, he knew he was this awesome Moroccan mating machine. He knew that raw sexuality oozed from every known orifice of his body. Noor repeatedly denied anything was wrong with her. Then one day, Zaheer heard Noor muttering, your wish is my command, master, in her sleep. The pieces finally started to fit: Zaheer intuited that someone or something was exercising mind control over Noor. Zaheer smacked his fist into the open palm of his other hand. He had to get to the bottom of this. But how? He hadn’t a clue.
Despondent about his predicament, he turned to Ashok, who exercised at his gym and was also a friend of his.
Ashok was a good hearted and jocular guy. He was a zoologist by profession, travelling to universities all over the world to deliver lectures. Ashok’s area of expertise was on reptiles–poisonous snakes in particular.


Princess Noor was dreaming.
She dreamt she was swimming in a beautiful turquoise lagoon. Minnows darted around her and the sunlight played on the serene waters. Birds twittered and she felt at one with the nature all around her. She had never felt so contented in her life. She thought of her busy job running an IT company and chuckled at her own foolishness…why waste her energy on such a craven capitalist venture? She had left all that behind now.

She leisurely swam through the water, with long, graceful strokes. All of a sudden she felt herself being sucked downwards! She gasped a lungful of air but then she was underwater and sinking! She felt the water pulling on her body, she flipped and flailed and….
waggled her flippers and flicked her tail and was swimming once more. She had turned into a dolphin! She emitted an ultrasonic signal in sheer glee, raced along, broke the surface of the water, performed an enormous summersault and dived back below the surface. How marvellous it was to be a majestic creature of the sea.
But then Princess Noor the dolphin began to feel peckish. In fact she felt a ravenous hunger grow inside of her! Tuna was what she needed…. a lovely helping of tuna-fish…

Zaheer and Ashok met up at the The Tavern, which was a pub close to where Ashok lived. Zaheer quickly told Ashok the story so far: Noor’s sudden change in behaviour, her listlessness, lack of carnal desire, and the wish is your command muttering while asleep. Ashok had been listening quietly all this while, occasionally taking a sip of his beer.
He was a dark-skinned, fuzzy-haired, and bespectacled guy of medium height. He talked fast and with a slight south Indian accent. Ashok was the kind of guy you could turn to if you needed someone to just hear you out patiently. He was kind-hearted and sympathetic by nature, and he was a scientist, so he was good at figuring things out – exactly the kind of friend Zaheer needed right now

‘I am sorry to hear all that you’ve been going through, Zaheer’, said Ashok. ‘Don’t lose your spirits though; I am sure we will work something out. Are you sure that she isn’t just depressed, or stressed with work or undergoing trauma or things like that? You must first rule out the usual suspects – that’s how I perform my experiments in the Lab. Sometimes things go wrong, but most of the time there is a simple enough answer that surely had been staring at me in the face all along.’

‘Look Ashok, if something was wrong with her personal or professional life, I would have been the first to know. She doesn’t hide a single thing from me’, replied Zaheer.
Ashok looked unblinkingly at Zaheer for a few moments; then he focussed his attention on his beer glass, rotating it slowly by holding it at the rim with thumb and forefinger. He was clearly deep in thought. After doing this for about half a minute, he finally spoke.
‘We could look into another thing, Zaheer. This conversation never happened, OK? If this came out, I would be the laughing stock of the entire scientific community.’
‘You have my word, Ashok’, Zaheer said solemnly.

‘Hmm’. After a pause, he resumed, ‘Look Zaheer, I am a scientist by profession and believe in rationality and that sort of thing. But I grew up in India, that too in a household that was very spiritually inclined. And on occasions there have been things that I have seen with my own eyes; things that to this date–and not due to lack of trying–I haven’t been able to explain scientifically. This has caused me many sleepless nights: most of the times I was able to explain to my family in a reasonable way how their religious rituals and superstitions were stupid. Yet there have been about three or four occasions where I myself was flummoxed.’ Ashok took out his spectacles and with his finger wiped his brow, which by now had accumulated droplets of sweat on it. Clearly Ashok’s recapitulation had brought back some stressful things.

‘We are in India my friend; a place where even our grand science can sometimes meet its match’, he chuckled. ‘See Zaheer, the point behind this little story of mine has been to tell you that there may be supernatural elements behind this change you see in Noor. It could be a spell or Voodoo. But to make sure I will have to come and see your house. Maybe there’s a foreign object there that is making all this work.’
Zaheer suddenly was full of hope and vigour. ‘When could you come, Ashok? I really, really could do with your help on this.’
‘How about now?’, said Ashok.

‘That would be awesome!! Man, I love you Ashok. You’re the best!!!’
Ashok gulped down the remaining beer, paid and thanked the congenial bartender, and then they made their way to Zaheer’s house.

Meanwhile, Noor’s dream had taken a bizarre turn. The sage was well aware of the Princess’s dream sequence, as he had actually been the one orchestrating the whole thing with his divine powers. Unfortunately or fortunately for Noor, our sage wasn’t very ‘pure’ in his thinking. Years of penance had given him crazy powers, yet he had never been very good at controlling his desire for kinky sex. Which is why our libidinous sage decided to enter Noor’s dream, disguised as an alpha male dolphin..
Now this dolphin had one trump card up his sleeve that would ensure the success of his conquest over Noor–the-dolphin: an ultrasonic whistle, which drove female dolphins nuts with desire. One 5-second ultrasonic whistle by the horny sage-dolphin, and female dolphins would be making a frenzied dash for him from corners of the sea, near and far, and literally beg him to ravage them out of their aquatic and mammalian sensibilities.
But of course, Sage soon blew the whistle. Now Noor the dolphin, who was foraging for tuna, suddenly abandoned her task. She could already feel the surge of primeval feelings, rocking her like a hapless boat that was lost in a stormy sea. That a storm could feel so intense was a fact hitherto unknown to her.

(Viewer discretion is advised for the succeeding paragraph)

Noor the dolphin–who as we had mentioned earlier had gone absolutely potty with ‘desire’–found the sage-dolphin ‘sitting in an amorous way’ on a coral reef.

They exchanged suggestive glances.

(fast forward)

He dallied with her.

(fast forward)

His exploration of her was more precise than an atomic clock.

(fast forward)

Her exploration of him was desultory but efficacious.

(fast forward)

His flaming torch illuminated her moist cavern.

(fast forward)

His flaming torch illuminated her moist cavern.

(fast forward)
His flaming torch illuminated her moist cavern.
(fast forward)
Crescendo of braying sounds, miasma of bodily fluids diffusing into the water, and, salivating jellyfish who ‘happened’ to be watching the entire episode. Soon after, they were serene; both felt one, with each other as well as with the universe at large. The coral reef was a place of happiness and ebulliently fluttering butterflies (who were obviously wearing scuba diving gear, considering that we are at the bottom of the ocean)

As they approached Zaheer’s house, Ashok’s mind was whirling. What could Noor’s strange behaviour mean? The scientist inside him wanted to believe there was a rational explanation for it..perhaps she was just plain nuts. But he could not shake off the feeling there was something untoward about the whole business. Suddenly he felt scared. ‘Zaheer’, he whispered suddenly, ‘I think it unwise to enter the house straight away. Let us hide in this bush in your garden and stake your house out for a short while. Observation is the primary tool of science.’

‘Oh, alright’, said Zaheer, and they scuttled behind the nearest bush.

But it was quite a small bush, and the men huddled close together to fit behind it. Ashok could feel Zaheer breathing into his ear. Suddenly he felt strangely horny. But it was not an unfamiliar feeling. If he was honest, he often felt that way in the Moroccan sex machine’s presence. The truth was, he wouldn’t mind giving Zaheer one.

Ashok could feel his manhood performing summersaults inside his slightly tight underwear. And what a giddy sensation that created. Damn you Zaheer, thought Ashok, it’s hardly nice (and incidentally also ‘nicely hard’) to feel like this. Ashok wondered how Zaheer would react if he were to start stroking his thigh or stuff his tongue into Zaheer’s ear, or the any of the dozens of other erogenous activities that Vogue Magazine often recommended in their how to please her in bed sections. But would doing so mean that Zaheer would harbour hard feelings towards him (as least in his mind, if not in more physical sections of his aaahsum body? Also Zaheer was under a lot of stress because of Noor, so there was no telling how he would react to such advances.
Ashok oscillated between doing the prudent thing which was to control himself, and, wanting to park his throbbing missile inside some cosy niche of Zaheer’s.

Just then,a loud crashing sound came from inside the house. It shook both of them, and definitely got Ashok out of his horny state. Ultimately it was fear that proved to be Ashok’s cold shower.

To Be Continued…

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