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Pie Pie Miss American Bye

August 6, 2007

‘Bootylicious’ and its hidden connotations: A ‘circular’ reasoning through the theory of Pies.

Assumptions of the theory:

1. If an object is delicious, it must either be a pie or can be made structurally equivalent to a pie. Therefore basically we could consider anything delicious as a pie. For instance, a delicious apple can be made an apple pie so on and so forth. Remember this is an over simplified model (in the spirit of a large amount of Economics research in general, where one could obtain pliable and often misleading results and conclusions without too much mathematical messiness).

2. ‘Booty’ is slang for the arse. (A more conventional meaning of the word is ‘goods or property seized by force or piracy’. However in popular culture this meaning is rarely signified, unless if implying the former ‘object’ in rather uncommon scenarios).

3. Without loss of generality, an arse which is delicious (and therefore a pie) is a queer arse. (like duh).

4. Any representation which is ‘dangerously similar’ to an original representation can be considered equivalent to the original representation. (‘Dangerous Similarity’ is a useful but nebulous concept in Representation Deformation Theory. We have used a particular instance of this theory, namely Phonetic Deformation. A detailed discussion of this theory or its underlying assumptions however is beyond the scope of this paper, and your mortal mind.

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Now for the theory itself: The concept of ‘bootylicious’ was propounded by Beyoncé Knowles. She introduced it in one of her songs (‘…my body too bootylicious for ya baby’). The word is clearly an amalgamation of two words: bootylicious = booty + delicious. We note here the dichotomy in the usage of the word as both noun and adjective. Calling someone a ‘bootylicious’ is also correct English. We now apply the theory of pies to the word ‘bootylicious.  This implies that the booty is a delicious object. Therefore by assumption 1 of our theory, the booty is a pie. Or in other words the arse is a pie (Using postulate 2). Which, using postulate 3, means that this pie arse is queer. Now comes the Eureka moment where we get an insight into Beyoncé’s brilliant mind. In the last section we concluded that the pie arse is queer. Let us analyze the 3 key words- Pie arse queer -We notice that the pronunciation of this string of words is dangerously similar to ‘Pi R square’!!! Since Dangerous Similarity has been ascertained, we now invoke postulate 4 and conclude that ‘Pie arse queer’ and ‘Pi R square’ are equivalent. Now we all know that this is precisely the formula for the area of a circle with radius R! ‘Circular’ reasoning!! We conclude therefore that ‘bootylicious’ rather than signifying a very ‘full’, wholesome and 3-dimensional arse, covertly points to a 2-dimensional, non-fluffy and non-spongy nature of the aforementioned object.

References:
1. The subjectivity of Deliciousness: A ‘taste’ of ones own medicine; manuscript I found in the bin.

2. How to make an arse of the world and other essays; E. Iglesias, P. Hilton et al.

3. If you think about it, it is ‘as easy as pie’; Forgot who wrote this one.

4. An introduction to specious reasoning and highly contrived research -Volume 1;  Prof. Dick Moby.

5. Representation Deformation Theory for Dummies as well as Enlightened People; Prof. Sarcophagus Nefertiti, University of Mummification and Daddification (U-MAD)

5.‘Bootylicious’; Beyoncé Knowles.

———– End.

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