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A Rapacious few lines..

July 19, 2007

The Travelling Salesman — A Rap Song.

A travelling salesman’s life is as much fun
as busting your balls with a big-ass gun.
Hoarse throat sales pitch it’s a real Bitch
but a pitch in time keeps me off crime *
So I go on using my vocal cords like two harpsichords.
No glamour more clamour and if you happen to stammer you are so screwed Gertrude.
Come rain or shine I break my spine, to sell my wares but who the feck cares everyone stares at me like I’m some freakin swine I pine
for some compassion it ain’t in fashion these days.

The shopping mall ain’t nothing like door-to-door now that’s a chore.
Some days it feels like I’m knock knock knockin on hell’s door**
“Who goes there, friend or foe?” Don’t yell at me like I’m your hoe.

I’ve sold everything from cars to jars, knives to housewives.
Madam try my melons they are oh so succulent — my sales pitch crescendo this aint innuendo.
“No thanks I don’t want your knives — we don’t need more of those in our lives.”

Well how about some extracurricular slice and dice?
Carve out a niche for yourself in someone else
With the help of my sharp knives enrich your mundane lives.
Variety is the spice of life; propriety is the cause of strife.

Guess that last one made them feel pale so here I am in jail.


*Bastardised version of that famous saying ‘A stitch in time saves nine’. With
apologies to purists.

**Apologies to Bob Dylan and Guns N’ Roses.


From → rap

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