Comments on: My problem with Facebook.

By: Vinayak Kohli

Vinayak Kohli — Fri, 02 May 2008 19:06:50 +0000

The following idea from the article is central in my opinion-

‘What Hyper-connectivity has done is that it has given us easy access to near-instant gratification. Thus when communication has become largely a tool for receiving instant gratification, it also largely bound to be broken down into many little chunks of communication that take little personal effort.’

I think the scale of effects we observe in interpersonal relationships as well as the observation that certain facets of human nature are accentuated, are a consequence of the above. What I am trying to get at is that if something like T.V., or cellphones, or airplanes for that matter, had been available ‘back then’, eventually many people would have gotten used to this form of instant gratification and this would have eventually led to a kind of cultural shift/ change in psychology for many.
In other words, it seems that what we are seeing is here to stay because it is a kind of natural ‘evolution’ with respect to a change in the environment and stuff like superficiality can now be seen at a larger scale as well as at a heightened level.

By: fitsofreason

fitsofreason — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:52:46 +0000

“….it is difficult to have or maintain an intimate, meaningful communication/relationship with someone if that person is not being thoughtful, does not talk about himself or herself, or does not talk about what is happening in their life….” – very well put… something that has been bothering me quite a lot lately… although i couldn’t quite articulate it as well. There is this void in personal relationships these days – even in ones that are not so superficial as those maintained through social networking sites , where you might me meeting the person concerned quite a lot…but fail to connect. So maybe “…this tendency to over-communicate in less than substantial ways….” is something that is not just about Facebook / Internet / Cell phones but got more to do with the way people have started viewing relationships in general. I might be wrong but my observation has been that people are willing to settle for a less than perfect connection…the number of people they socialize with being more important than the quality of the interaction…. in a bid to attain popularity or maybe due to their inherent insecurities. Facebook and social networking sites are just accentuating this tendency by making it the “in” thing to do… maybe the root cause lies elsewhere.

By: pb

pb — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:49:05 +0000

Some insightful thoughts, Leanne – but if you see no potential for romance on teh interweb, you clearly didn’t have a sufficiently geeky adolescence.
Seriously, though, no-one complains that Jane Austen’s heroines heartfelt letters took all the romance out of the stories; likewise, email, even online chat, have brought together any number of people in what they certainly consider romantic relationships.
If you want epic romance, lovers dying on storm-tossed seas for one another, well, maybe the tame modern world doesn’t provide enough of that (although if we expand our definition beyond Euro-America, I’m not sure) – but then, is that the only scale on which romance can live? I think a good part of the joy in romance exists in the minutiae, and those haven’t gone anywhere.
(And I like Alex Turner, but the greatest lyricist of all time? Can I put in a word for the likes of Leonard Cohen, Ani DiFranco, John Darnielle, even Ben Gibbard or Conor Oberst?)
All that said, I liked your point about the performative aspects of writing on walls. I hate doing it for exactly that reason!

Vinny – we spoke about this. You know my feelings -medium is not necessarily message – but I can agree with you on a lot of it nonetheless. And for the record, writing a message on your page is not in this instance a gift, although if you’d like to see it as such, you’re welcome :)

By: vinayakkohli

vinayakkohli — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 19:02:25 +0000

Thank you for your very well written comment. I agree with what you say. However, I think I did roughly cover in a more general setting, the missing point you mention about Wall writing –

(taken from article)
‘Is there an apprehension in the sender’s mind that the recipient or someone else might misunderstand their intentions if the message were private?’

‘Is the person writing on someone’s ‘wall’ because he/she also wants the message to be seen by other people? In which case there is some exhibitionism going on here, which may or may not be advantageous to both parties’

I perhaps should have used a more moderate term here than ‘exhibitionism’.

Thanks for reading.
Regards,
Vinayak.

By: Leanne

Leanne — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 14:39:47 +0000

Alex Turner, perhaps the greatest lyricist of all time, has a line in one of his songs “The point’s that there’s no romance around there”, which is like the tag line to modern life. There can be no romantic epic set in today’s world; what would the plot mechanism be? The internet breaking down or losing your mobile phone? All modern communicative technology has reduced the quality of relationships, and has severed any sense of mystery and intrigue to the world in general. Everything is possible but little is exciting anymore; everything is demeaned. But people are blind to it, most people. If anything, serious or meaningful communication is ultimately unfashionable & avoided. You’ve missed the most ‘important’ function of the wall – the wall is often about wanting to send a message to a person in an open, non-threatening way, i.e. a person who don’t know that well so it may seem inappropriate – but more often it’s nothing about messaging that person, wall activity is simply a bar that measures your ‘popularity’. The more messages on your wall, the more popular you are, therefore writing on someone’s wall is almost a favour, almost a gift. And one expected in return. It’s odd that the underlying motivation is, ultimately, connection of sorts… But it’s a connection with you and the world, rather than you and an individual – it’s a portrayal, its purpose to parade you as popular, liked, friendly, funny etc.
And so people are connected by air, literally, to lots and lots of people, but hardly connected to any in the way that matters.
Conversely, it may make the relationships that matter, if the individual is ever able to identify it, stand out. The communication that matters, mattered, may serve as the excruciating and eternal reminder of what is lost.