A major poetic statement of our time.

The Episode.
- Mikhail Poppyseed

Abhor yourself, charred Face.
When I spoke, not one grasped
That the nuclear holocaust
Only cockroaches would survive.

Playing the Violin, with arm outstretched
In lieu of band, a shining steel blade
Blood-music seeps out of the veins
Shove my face into the Microwave
Tomorrow is weary of existence.

The vultures gnaw impatiently
Society–an evil membrane
Semi-permeable at best.

Retaliation is death.
My end will herald
A race of mutant
Cockroaches.

————————–————–

Mikhail Poppyseed is widely considered as one of the most avant garde young poets of the post-modernist movement. Although most literary critics are unanimous in their regard for this poem as a work of stunning profundity and incomprehensibility, they are divided on the issue concerning the sub-movement that this poem rightly belongs to.

Many critics consider this work as primarily a trapezoidist poem. Trapezoidism is a movement that takes into account the overall geometric structure of the poem. For instance, the poem excluding the first four lines has the approximate overall shape of a trapezoid (a trapezoid is a quadrilateral with two parallel and two non-parallel sides). Trapezoidism as a concept encompasses both chaos and order within its principles: non-parallel sides can be considered as symbolic of the notion of chaos and parallel sides as being symbolic of order.

Other critics point out that it is of vital importance to consider the entire structure of the poem: one cannot overlook the first four lines and then go on to label the work as ‘primarily’ trapezoidist.

Electrocardiogramism or E.C.G.ism as it is popularly known takes into account the jagged edges formed by connecting, with line segments, the last letter of the last word of every line. The basic philosophy behind E.C.G.ism can be understood by looking at the monitor of the E.C.G. machine when attached to a human being. The jagged peaks that we see in the output tell us that perturbation is a necessary component of life. Without perturbation, life would not exist–notice how a completely straight line on the monitor indicates a dead person.
From an E.C.G.ist point of view, the first four lines more or less display uniformly jagged peaks, implying that there exists significant perturbation in the poet’s mind at this stage. But after that we notice an almost straight-line recession in the graph showing the height of the peaks, signifying the poet’s life-force ebbing away at an almost linear rate. Thus, the poem is at first positively e.c.g.ist and then becomes negatively-sloped linear e.c.g.ist. Such an assessment fits well with the feel of the poem: it starts off with the censure of a being present in his hallucination but turns quickly suicidal and generally downhill thereon.

Poppyseed died in 2006 after entering voluntarily a lion’s cage in a zoo. It is believed he did so because he felt like combing the lion’s mane.

End.

Volcano

Watch,

As I faze the Night–

Set her black sky alight.

Portentous rumbles,

Then I explode;

Into the sky I blow my load.

Watch,

As I scorch the earth,

And extirpate all that you birth.

With molten avalanche shall I drape,

Neither man nor structure shall escape.

Faces will contort in pain–

Fleeing, petrified or slain.

The seed of miseries that I sow

Will spawn tormented memories.

Pay obeisance to me, take heed,

Awake again I shall indeed.

Humanity shall remain my minion,

Eternity shall be my dominion.

I shall once more seek release

When I crave to be appeased.

Posted in poetry. Tags: , , . 5 Comments »

Job Advertisement.

Why not quit your job as ‘Coffee-cup Deliverer/ Faff Specialist’ (sometimes known by the designation of Strategic Analyst) and work for us? Macrohard Inc. currently has a few vacancies for the position of Secretary.

Why work for us? Here are some features of our company which should convince you:

* Macrohard is a globally recognised company with branches in 30 cities around the world. Our businesses are diverse, ranging from providing clients with IT solutions for their businesses to giving strategic advice to super-power nations on how to wage wars the world over for the purpose of opening up new markets. With our strong global network and clientele, the career growth opportunities are immense.

* World class training facility at our headquarters: Our 3 week training program is arguably amongst the best in the world. We rope in experts from diverse fields to train our secretaries. To cite one feature of our unparalleled expertise in training, an often vital skill for a secretary is to be able to pick up incoherent, hardly audible and often meaningless conversation and be able to summarise or type it out in real time. Taking the minutes of a meeting is one instance of such a task. To equip our trainees with this skill, we hire the world’s best known Rap artists to come to our training centres, who then give our budding secretaries tips and examples on how to make sense of what is being said by repeatedly giving them rap song recitals and general lectures on diverse areas of Phonetics. We call this the Rap Artist Training Module (RATM). The module includes learning the techniques of being able to replace profanity that drives-home-the-point-in-an-uncomplicated-fashion with politically correct language. For instance, if in a meeting someone says, ‘If the shit hits the fan on this one, our profit margins will be fucked.’, our secretaries after undergoing the RATM will effortlessly interpret this in real time as, ‘If the faeces interacts with a rapidly rotating object, our profit margins will be fornicated.’ (Note: RATM not to be confused with Rage Against The Machine)

* A good secretary must be equipped with skills to handle phone calls from demanding clients. Often a secretary will find himself/herself in the situation that he/she has no clue about how to answer a client’s queries. One whole module of our training program is dedicated to teaching you how to maintain a high Excrement Ratio (ER) in such situations. The ER is a concept that has been developed by our very own think tank, inspired partly by observations made about the general nature of customer-care hotlines. The Excrement Ratio generalises the notion of spewing out bull-shit, as we believe that mastodon-shit and falcon-shit are some of the other complex kinds of shit that are often left unaddressed by other firms. The ER is to put it concisely all about spewing verbal excrement on our customers while speaking in a manner that somewhat calms or mesmerises them. Having this knowledge can only be a good thing and will undoubtedly benefit you, both at a professional as well as personal level.

* The ER technique is often used in tandem with another concept of ours which we call the PCBMS (Post-Coital Bliss Musical Sequence). This is actually the background music a customer hears on his telephone receiver when he/she is put on hold. Developed by our think tank and in no small measure by consultations with top psychologists, musicians and some of the most respected names in the Porn Industry, the PCBMS successfully conjures up images of love, peace, serenity, romance and bliss in the mind of the listener. The PCBMS when used in tandem with the ER technique proves to be a very effective business strategy.

* Great working environment and best-in-the-industry remuneration packages-The cubicles in our offices are built in a way that they are four feet above the ground with a small ladder to get up to the cubicle. The reason for building such unique structures is to remind every employee every day that in our firm, everyone gets a chance to climb the corporate ladder. As an incentive for people to work hard, we provide a 15% bonus to all employees who are sexually aroused by hearing the words ‘Carpal Tunnel Syndrome’ and a 20% bonus if they actually orgasm regularly due to being afflicted with it. It is what we call the ‘more pain more pleasure, more gain’ philosophy.

Send in your CV along with a covering letter to qwerty@macrohard.com.
Get on the road to a rewarding career today.

End.